Thursday, 5 April 2012

Moving on ...

Digging numbs the mind
Since my last post, composed on the day before my 54th wedding anniversary, I have found it almost impossible to write about how our life together has changed. Snippets on Facebook, yes, but those occasional words did no more than touch the surface. For we have been catapulted unawares into a world of changes, BOTH of us coming to terms with how R's condition is affecting each of us individually. Both irritable with each other, never knowing what will spark a verbal conflagration, a moment of hurt. So I fall to pieces; cannot communicate; am lost and bewildered, though thank heavens I can still switch almost instantaneously into professional mode.


The blog I began almost a year ago to document my
life, and my love of books; it's destined to include reviews of
the many books that arrive from publishers, and also
interviews with authors. I must manufacture time!
It is tough, wearing two hats, being breadwinner and wife, but at least I had my parents' joint example of professionalism to fall back on. I'll write more about that sometime in my neglected blog, 'A Book-Lover's Journey', which I began last year to document the many influences on my life. Circumstances curtailed the entries; I did not realise why, at the time.


The 16th century farmhouse R. and I bought at auction in 1969, with our
two boys - then aged 6 and 8 (just posted about this
on the village facebook page.
I become maudlin in my old age. But R. and I have moved on since that dreadful day of diagnosis, and the months leading up to it. I find I can cope ... with our beloved children's support, and my late-night Facebook fix - just a few words here and there, a photo or two - I am gradually stitching myself back together, though the mental wounds are still ragged and raw. R. is again enjoying his workshop (the size of a small bungalow!), and his vegetable plot, his work on the house - ongoing even after 40-plus years, and spur-of-the-moment days out, or away in our motorhome, which I am learning to drive (I should have 'L' plates attached, according to R.)

Creating illustrated journals in my caravan studio (messy craft activities
take place indoors, up in the attic roof-space).
Creativity is my lifeline at the moment. I have taken the plunge and am participating (sheepishly) in 'Warwickshire Open Studio'. A huge leap forward for me, personally: textile books and word-whispers combined with manipulated photos of place and living things, and all to be displayed in my caravan studio, about which I posted in my journaling blog a short while ago - and on the official WOS website. Too much about me in this post. It's just good to be muddling along together.
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11 comments:

  1. Belated Happy Anniversary.

    Diabetes is a shaky discovery. I didn't know what was wrong with me, fear held me back. Finally the truth faced, i deal with it.

    I'm sure R will deal with it too, with your help.

    Changes. We are not fond of many as we age.

    Wishing you brighter days.

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  2. Anne - I missed this, so had to frantically look back to see what had happened. I was relieved to see it was not what I had feared, and really, from past experience, this is very controllable. How worrying for you both though. sending healing thoughts xx

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  3. It sounds as if life is hard just now. Glad to see you posting again. Hoping you are ok. It sounds as if you might be making it work.

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  4. I understand life changes as I am going through some major changes in my life with my elderly parents and a disabled partner, and myself, being disabled, makes for some fireworks in the house on some days and occasions.
    I am so very glad we are starting to get gardening weather here, or I would be an insane woman now and doing things that are not good for the health of one's body.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for posting your photo of your lovely, and historic farm home, it is beautiful to me.

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  5. I think you are so brave learning to drive a motor home! my husband bought a small camper van almost two years ago and I have yet to drive it. He is not a natural teacher so the early days of driving it will be fraught for me. However, I will take courage from your example.

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  6. I'm so glad you've been able to use your creativity as an outlet and a comfort. I hope the growing days will help you and R adjust to a new way of life.

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  7. Sounds like you are keeping busy, Ann. Thank goodness you have wonderful children for support. Hope things get better.

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  8. Good to see you posting again Ann. Life throws us some very wobbly moments at times, but it sounds like you are both coming to terms with what changes must be made to cope with your husband's change of health. I agree with you - digging is very therapeutic. And walking. I think through my problems when doing either.

    Good luck with driving the motor home. I am sure you will cope splendidly - it just seems a bit daunting at first.

    I loved the photo of your home when you had just bought it. We did a similar thing here, as you know.

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  9. Greetings from the Pacific NW coast and so glad to see you had a chance to post! It does sound as life has thrown a few pebbles in your shoes and sending warm thoughts and prayers your way!
    Thank you for sharing these photos! Looking forward to hear more about 'you'! Hang in there!!
    God bless,

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  10. My heart is very much with you

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  11. It is good to hear that your creativity is helping you through this difficult time of adjustment. It is also good to know that your children are there to support you both. Hoping that warmer days bring some lightening of your mood and sending very best wishes.

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